Let us be honest: if 2016 sucked any harder, we’d have to rename it Dyson. Celebrities died by the handfuls, Syrians died by the thousands, and American souls died by the millions at the hand of Cheeto Hitler. In certain Chinese cultures, each year is named after an animal. I think this year was either Rooster or Water Bear, can’t remember which. But while trying to come up with a Yule blessing this afternoon, I came up with the perfect objects to symbolize 2016: stones
The first stones are gravestones. It has been a devastating year for the music fans, taking Prince, Bowie and George Michael among others. But so many people I know lost people close to them, In fact, 2016 was the first year in 30 that the death rate when up in this country. So it ain’t just you.
The second stones are the ones that get thrown by those that shouldn’t. From McCrook bashing trans people while being more corrupt than Pilate, to people believing the worst rumors about Hillary while denying facts about Trump. People slung lies like David unto Goliath and didn’t care whether they were true or not.
The third stones are the metaphorical ones that symbolize nuts , guts and verve. They were both good(Trumps) and bad(Standing Rock), but you had to admit, people were all going “Can you believe?” about lots of folks. Shout out to Bernie Sanders for his, standing tall in what he believed in, right to the end. If more people had these, the world would be a much better place.
There it is folks, the Stones of 2016. Hopefully Trump doesn’t do something stupid where we’ll need those to hunt and cook. Good night.