I tend to find inspiration in the most unlikely of places. My favorite books are never bestsellers or critic’s darlings. I love wrestling biographies, counter culture studies, conspiracy theorists, and genre novels. All of which largely gets ignored by critics or sneered at.

One of my all time favorite books is As Bad As I Wanna Be, the first biography of Dennis Rodman. Yes, hate on him for the cartoon of greatness he’s become, largely due to drug and alcohol issues. But in his prime, especially with the Bulls, he was a thing of beauty.

In his book, he talks about sitting in his truck in the parking lot of the Joe Louis Arena, where he was playing with the Detroit Pistons. He was estranged from his daughter,his  team was falling apart, and life was,to his mind, not worth living. And there was a gun in his lap. To his mind, he died that night. He, in his words,”killed” himself that night. The old Dennis Rodman had to go, he was ready to die. And after that night, Dennis was never the same. He started coloring his hair, wearing earrings and tatting up.He was free,and that freedom cost him friends,family and sponsorships. It also raised his playing to new heights. Go look at his stats, before and after that moment. It’s a night and day difference. All the troubles for him in the NBA were never about how well he played. You don’t get four rings and the HOF by playing badly.

I’m thinking I’m at the same point in my life. I don’t like the current person I am. I’m stressed,fat, cranky and tired every moment of the day. I can’t produce words for shit.I read way too much. I surf the net way too much. I have a YMCA membership and website both gathering dust. My job has gone from bad to worse, with even more stress for less money.

I’m not sitting with a gun, folks. Doing that would hurt the people I care about way too much.I just need to cut off the old me, and become something new. I haven’t had the funeral yet, but I’m trying to tie myself to the longboat. My new prayer is this:

You’re a good guy. Write,eat healthy, exercise, get a new job. 

Punk, Heyman, Marcinko, Morse,Ziglar

You are loved. Write,eat healthy exercise, get a new job

Punk,Heyman,Marcinko,Morse,Ziglar

Now, if you know about Tarot at all, you should know that every time I get read, the Tower shows up. Every. Single. Time. So , by invoking the forces of Change, I invite Chaos as well. I don’t know what’s happening next, but something might fall apart. I’ll keep you posted.