Yes, i know it’s technically day 3 now, but I’ll go by West Coast time if I have to. Anyway, here goes nothing:

The Devil sat upon Mt. Ararat, watching the battle. Seraphim were flailing demons, while cherubim were being spit upon an arch-devil’s pitchfork. Damn, but he was tired. He looked at his watch,wondering. When was the guest of honor going to show?

A loud click in his ear held the answer. He stood, dusting off his suit,and flicked his cigarette away. He took out the mirror he knew he’d need for this day. He couldn’t look at the guy directly. So he held it up, and grinned at what he saw.

The war had not been kind to Yeshua ben Joseph. Most folks called him Jesus, but Lucifer knew the deal. One advantage to being what he was, he never really forgot. He wondered what Yeshua’s followers would say if they could see him now.

He was appearing as had on Earth, not as Leonardo and the rest of the Renaissance bigots had painted him. Long curly hair, black as sin(which caused Lucifer to giggle), a permanent shade of tan on skin, yes. But he’d switched his robes for white fatigues, and a cross big enough to make a Texan feel embarrassed. The battle had left scorch marks in places, and Lucifer was pretty sure that was Asmodeus’s right fang in Yeshua’s shoulder. Yeshua was holding a gold plated .50 caliber Desert Eagle to Lucifer’s head.

“I have you now, Lucifer!” Yeshua roared, so loud the mountain shook. His face, beard and all was a mask of rage. If only Falwell and them could see his Highness now, they’d die again from joy. And all the Quakers would throw themselves off a cliff,if they hadn’t all been wiped out in the first hour on Judgment Day.

“Pipe down, sonny boy, no need to shout. Everyone is buys killing each other off down there. Even if you blew me up with an atomic bomb, there’s two millennium or so of pissed off getting let loose in that melee.”

“I suppose you’re right,Satan. Or is it Lucifer? Or Old Scratch?” Yeshua pressed the gun into Lucifer’s temple again, causing a slight burn as the blessed weapon bit into his flesh.

“It’s Satan, honestly. I didn’t have any other names until that opium head Milton came up with the rest.” Satan reached into his suit pocket, took out another Sobraine. He was going to miss those things. Suddenly tired, he sat down on the rock. Why did the end of the world have to be so damn uncomfortable?

“Get up, you piece of scum!”Yeshua looked pissed. That’s what happens when you let Americans get hold of a deity, he thought. A hundred year case of testosterone poisoning.

“I’m not getting up, if you’re going to shoot me, shoot me, otherwise, I’m going to sit here and watch this thing go down.”

Yeshua backed up. This is not what he had planned. He’d marched victorious armies out of the Heavens, armed with the latest versions of man’s weapons. He’d killed demon after demon, and taken out the Anti-Christ with a drone. And yet,here he was with Satan himself, and there was…

 

Nothing.

 

Yeshua sat down next to Satan, watching the spectacle. A demon driven Abrams fell over down in the valley, crushed under the weight of several Nephilim. Yeshua wondered when they’d gotten to this thing.

“Hard to believe it all comes down to this,isn’t it?” The Devil handed Yeshua a rolled up joint. Yeshua took it,figuring if Father didn’t say it was bad, it must be all right.

“Damn, that’s making me hungry.” said Yeshua as he inhaled. He hadn’t eaten since he’d come down. “I could use a feast or two now”

“Well,forget about it, Yeshua. After this,you don’t get a feast. All the humans are gone, remember? And they ain’t coming back.” Lucifer stood up, this time looking angry. He grabbed Yeshua’s gun and pointed it at his temple. Before Yeshua could react, he’d pulled the trigger.

And nothing happened. Lucifer tried four or five times before handing it back to Yeshua. Then he hauled off and clocked Yeshua, knocking him to the ground. Yeshua came up with the Desert Eagle in his hand and pointed it at Lucifer’s head again. He clicked off the safety, and was preparing to fire when he stopped cold.

Lucifer was crying. Blood red tears were flowing down each cheek. That wasn’t what was freaking Yeshua out. It was the expression on Lucifer’s face. He’d seen it every day since he’d ascended. On mothers begging for children’s lives, on husbands begging for wives to come back,all of them asking, begging, and pleading.

Yeshua fell to his knees, tired again. It was easier to bear,there in Heaven,when you were part of the command team. But down here, it was , no pun intended, too big a cross to bear.

“Why? Why won’t you do it?” Lucifer was pleading now. “I did my part, now you do yours.”

“Finish me.”

“No.” Yeshua stood, and brushed off his clothes, turning them into robes once more. “I am a merciful God, Lucifer, and so I grant you release. Even you can get forgiveness, here in the end.”

“Except you can’t, Yeshua.” The devil was striding toward him, then blocking his path.Yeshua tried walking around him but Lucifer blocked him at every turn. He felt the anger rising inside himself again.

“Do not make me regret my decision, Lucifer!” Yeshua slapped Lucifer, the noise ringing across the valley. Anger rising, he found the gun again in his hand. Yeshua looked down, confused, wondering what game Lucifer was pulling in the end.

“What trickery is this,Devil?” His fatigues appeared again, and he was confused. He looked skyward for guidance.

“No trickery, Yeshua.” Lucifer sighed, his shoulders slumped. He pointed behind Yeshua “Maybe He can explain it better.”

Yeshua turned around surprised to see the Meta-tron, Father’s official voice on Earth here. It was, as always, a hot mess of eyes and wings. Yeshua turned and faced it.

“Yes, Father. I’d like some clarity here. What’s going on”

 

IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE WORD.

 

Yeshua looked at the Meta-tron Another one of Father’s riddles?Now,at the end, in this place?

Lucifer came and stood beside him, his flesh burning from the holy radiance.

“You don’t get it yet, do you?The Word, it was always about the words.”

It came clear to Yeshua now. All the words were written down then they were changed, and so he changed with them. As did Father, and the angels, and all of it. Near the end,the words of unbelief had almost undone them. But here they were now.

And Yeshua understood. His part was written. And now there was no one to change the end, no more writers to write him a way out. He knew what he had to do. He turned to Lucifer, understanding all of it at once. He clicked off the safety again and aimed right between Lucifer’s eyes.

“Thank you.” said Lucifer.